You ever have a goal in your head, a direction and motivation for your life and watch it slip away from you. Thats something that has happened to me over the last few days. Part of it is motivated by my bombing a quiz in arabic because i was in a pannic about it, but it owes a whole lot more to the situation with Able danger.
I don't think I could ever get into something so technical with minutae like that but what I have rapidly been seeing is that even if i get the job of my dreams and I am there on the inside fighting the good fight.... Politics is more important then people's lives. Not only was able danger being ignored, but now a full court assault has been going on with all the people who had the courage to come forward. I am not sure I can do what I want to be when I grow up any more.
I could fight the good fight, I could try to get the powers that be to do things differently and nothing could happen.... nothing could happen. I am not sure I could live with knowing that kind of stuff. Knowing that I saw the bullet coming and my government let people die. I'd rather be a lawyer then be in that position. While being a lawyer would eat me up emotionally inside... I at least know some one might be responsible. No one seems to be responsible for their critical failures.
So..... I am in deep thinking mode
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