Thursday, July 21, 2005

About my blogging block

I was sitting back on the sofa and vegging out on some anime when I came to a deeper understanding of my blogging block.

Part of it, a large part of it, has to do with the fact I am burning more and more out of the political system. I have for most of my "political adulthood" in this country been outside the right/left system. As I matured and my beliefs changed with the events of our days I finally picked a side. But while I am a republican, and by the understanding of most folks a conservative I still am a fundemental outsider.

I don't care if Team Red or Team blue wins, I only care if this country wins. And all around I see people who play games with this country over politics. Right and Left both have their hands tainted in this affair for the heart of our nation. The more I see it the more it sickens me at a deep part of my personhood.We have a government that does things that look right or sound right instead of doing that which is right.

We are fighting a fundemental war for the survival of what is fundemental to our national soul, and it is just another brick being tossed by a mouse at a cat. I know it has always been this way, but at least in the past their was some seduction to it. It is all so naked and so vulgar.

I am going through a stressful personal time in my life's transition and right now I really don't feel like playing with people who are more intrested in the wars of some artifical tribes then a rational discourse for the heart of this nation.

I voted for a republican because he at least said he was going to do something helpful, versus the democrat who said he would do things my studies have shown me to be harmful.... but in all honesty nothing really has been done.... all of it is the same.

I'll be back up to blogging some more of a normal tone later.... but, I felt I needed some confession of the sickness i feel in my heart. I think to the CNN documentary when they were interviewing an Iraqi man fearful of the US withdrawing and abandoning his people again... and I hear people on the left and the right use that man but not help him. It just all makes me ill.... all of it.

We as human beings should be better then that. I listened to the reporters in Great Britian questioning Tony Blair and John Howard so willing to sacrifice those people who have suffered so much in Iraq just to have peace in their little corner of the world.... In this country few would be so debauched and Inhumane. We as Americans are born in a nation that has been full of purpose and destiny. And I hear that call, the drive to be a people of destiny and hope in that Iraqi man's voice... and so much of the squabbles over judges and appointments... all of it seems so very petty.

Europe has lost its way in guilt, It has lost its way in a heart that feels pain and suffering and recoils from it. It tries to fight those pains and suffering that are acts of god.... Well, the greatest evils in this world do come from the hearts of men. The greatest treasure of this world lies in the hearts of men. We can forever feel guilt, or we can take control of our destiny and control over our actions. Be an active part of the world.

And to embrace an active part in this world you know that the treasures that are material in this world have limits. But the treasures of the heart are truely boundless. We can try to give everyone clothes, shelter, health insurance, and food but we will exhaust the material treasures and lead to a great collapse. Or we can go out and slay the great beasts, banish the monsters from the darkness, and allow others to live-and to act- as free men.

With thoughts like this right now, thoughts about my own future and my desire to be one who helps people and fights for them so they can be free of the evil men who rule much of this world... I have trouble dealing with trivial things like what the definition of "Plame" is... or the politics of sexual liberation. These things to me seem truely fruitless.

I'll be back to normal soon... I swear

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