Monday, October 31, 2005

RINO SIGHTINGS: Trick or Treat edition

(( Trackbacks to come a little later))

It was a day like any other in RINO sightings land, as I started to lay out my preparations for all the boys and girls coming to get their hands on candy.

Sure enough a Knock came at the door.

and it was that darned Surber kid from down the road

"What are you little boy"

"Why I'm an ubersexual."

"Really" I ask more in shock and confusion he shakes his head.

"I'm in a wiener dog costume, how ubersexual is that?" but he was nice enough to explain to me what an ubersexual was

and he told me "Hey Mr. I think some one is at the back door." I gave the little boy-dog his milkbone duds and send him along his way.

Another knock came on the front door. A young kid was dressed in black with white face paint and a long fake tongue.

"Well what are you little boy?"

He laughed and took out his fake tongue "I'm George Bush trying to say he isn't a big spender. I knew he was Gene Simmons so I gave him a Zero bar to go with his 70s costume.

A cowboy came up the lane.

"That's a nice Cowboy costume you have son." he twirled his rope " I'm a Pork Boy I'm here to rope me some politicians." and he quoted the Maryland Sec. Of Transportation

The funding plan for the ICC, which the Maryland General Assembly endorsed during its 2005 session, includes a combination of creative funding sources

He was so creative in his costume I tossed him out a variety of things Baby Ruth Candy Bar, Kit Kat bar, and Smarties too.

But that weird Esmay kid showed up in a giant white garbage bag

"Umm are you a ghost?"

"No Mr. I'm an amoeba." I asked him how I could tell he was an amoeba but he was more interested in challenging the philosophies against Intelligent design. I wasn't an atheist or an agnostic so I really didn't care... Though I did perk up when he talked about SETI. But I told him to wait one moment because I had a special treat for him. I went into my kitchen and got out a can of chicken soup scratching out chicken and replacing it with "Primodeal" with my sharpie....

That Esmay kid is just weird.

Jane from own the road came over dressed as a Belly Dancer.

"that's a nice Belly Dancer costume Jane"

She looked to her left and to her right and whispered in my ear "Mr. I'm really a American Reporter under attack from the Yemeni Government. "So you're in Disguise" I say.

She nods her head as I give her a pack of smarties.

"Thanks Mr." She says as she walks back down the lane.

Then another kid comes down dressed in a trench coat and wearing sun glasses. It was Ken down the road "Man Don't you get it don't you know what toll house cookie MEANS?"

tollhouse cookie [[made with a recipe used at the Toll House in Whitman, Mass., near Brockton]] a kind of chocolate chip cookie

i tried to calm him down as he went on about the AP style guide and Kleenex's. Next thing I know he was screaming about the "Do Not touch the Air Monitoring Equipment" sign he saw on the subway over here. By the time he starts talking about 2000KIA day I ask him "Kid what Kind of costume are you wearing?" he shakes his head around "Sorry, since all the tax-breaks went to the rich, I couldn't afford one
this year" I gave him some milk duds and sent him on his merry way.

that Mr. Proliferation kid was coming up the road next.... what is up with the kids in this neighborhood and their weird names. He told me he was a vampire and looking for Hypocrites like the ones involved in the Steele is Sambo fiasco. I told him not to let those other kids beat up on that KOS kid much. That kid aint right. I gave him a candied apple and sent him on his way.

then I saw something really weird wandering down the driveway

Luckily the kid explained to me what an Orac is and then went on further to say "You don't have to be a brain in a box to know a poem about killing the jews and loving the Nazi's isn't worthy of a great minds prize.

I put a three musketeer's bar ontop of his box and let him roll away.

I finally checked the black door and a kid was dressed as Kanye West telling me that George Bush doesn't care about black people because he wants to give them more welfare.

I asked him if Walter Williams put him up to this but he didn't say.

I gave him an apple since he went through the back door.

The first little kid came up to the door dressed as Harriet Miers. Harriet Miers scared the pants off me so I hid for a moment before finally getting some candy. SayUncle, another weird kid name regailed me on how Clinton couldn't handle blogs if they were around when he was President. I agreed and gave him a heath bar.

The kids in this neighborhood have some really weird names.

Standing outside a kid was asking the Harriet Miers if she say some missing raped teenage girl who was taken by a rascist hurricane.

"You reporter kid, come get your candy"

He reported to me though... He talked about how Lawrence Kansas was trying to fine first time pot offenders... but not sure what to charge them. I gave the Dunvin kid a bag of doritos for his trouble.

a kid came down the lane dressed as a huge book. he had to get three or four other kids to help him walk

"Hey what are you?"

"I'm the federal budget... just give me their candy I promised i'd split it up with them"

some how I didn't believe him but he told me that Harriet Mier's withdrew from helping him and that made the President weaker so he just had to make do.

I was willing to do with that. so I gave him a Hershey Symphony Milk Chocolate bar for his troubles... and for his friends some wanted adds... I think they'll need them.

then I saw Alex Schoellkopf shambling down the way in a fine Zombie costume. "Nice Zombie Costume" I said and he told me he was one of the secret Nazi's hiding in spain. now that is pretty scary. I gave him some Mini toblerones and he went happily on his way.

he saw I was a righty then checked out my head. I'm researching grey hair's on rightys he said. I helped him out with his research ( and you should to)

Then a little Che came to my door "Oh, you're a zombie to." we both laughed... I think he got my joke. I asked him what was going on in Louisiana he told me how they planned to spend state bond money even though the state is a shambles and he regailed me with many scary spending stories. And we know this will get better as people can live out side the area and vote for the next three years so long as they super secret pinkie swear promise to move back.

I give him the twix bar for his troubles. Then I see a guy dressed up as a Prince with a slightly less fancy costume then a king. He asked me why John Bolton would make Syria answer the UN's questions or else when he probably wouldn't the US government. I slipped Tom some sweet tarts and sent him on his way.

I figured all these weird kids I should just close up for the night and ended my halloween in RINOSightings land